Why We Love Who We Love

Have you ever known a married couple that just didn't seem as though they should fit together -- yet they are both happy in the marriage, and you can't figure out why? I know of one couple: He is a burly ex-athlete. Meanwhile, his wife is petite, quiet and a complete homebody. She doesn't even go out to dinner.
What mysterious force drives us into the arms of one person, while pushing us away from another who might appear equally desirable to any unbiased observer?
One of the many factors influencing our idea of the perfect mate, one of the most telling, according to John Money, professor emeritus of medical psychology and pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, is what he calls our " lovemap" -- a group of messages encoded in our brains that describes our likes and dislikes. It shows our preferences in hair and eye color, in voice, smell，body build. It also records the kind of personality that appeals to us, whether it's the warm and friendly type or the strong, silent type.
In short, we fall for and pursue those people who most clearly fit our lovemap. And this lovemap is largely determined in childhood. By age eight, the pattern for our ideal mate has already begun to float around in our brains.
When we're little, our mother is the center of our attention, and we are the center of hers. So our mother's characteristics leave an indelible impression, we are forever attracted to people with her " facial features, body type, personality, even sense of humor. If our mother was warm and giving, as adults we tend to be attracted to people who are warm and giving. If our mother was strong and even-tempered, we are going to be attracted to a fair-minded strength in our mates.
However, there are instances area humans of altered amusing backgrounds end up accepting affiliated and getting acutely happy. I apperceive of one man, a branch artisan from a acceptable Irish family, who fell in adulation with an African-American Baptist. When they got married, their accompany and ancestors predicted a quick failure. But 25 years later, the alliance is still strong.
Is there such a affair as" adulation at aboriginal sight" ?Why not? When humans become love-struck, what happens in that burning is the brace apparently discovers a different something they accept in common. It could be something as banal as they both were account the aforementioned book or were built-in in the aforementioned town. At the aforementioned time they admit some affection in the added that complements their own personality.
I appear to be one of those who was addled by the abracadabra wand. Milt and I were affiliated for 39 years, until his afterlife in 1989. And all that time we accomplished a adulation alleged a " activity of fusion, of oneness," even while we connected to change, abound and accomplish our lives.